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Airhorns Are Honestly The Worst

, , , , | Related | December 15, 2020

My brother-in-law has no behavioural or other issues, apart from being deeply selfish and an idiot. This story is an example of his typical behaviour.

I have two children, ages five and seven. My brother-in-law has convinced himself that he is their favourite person, despite the fact that he never makes any effort with them and they never mention him or have any interest in seeing him.

We’re having a garden party, which my brother-in-law attends. He is sitting around our house, he’s ignoring everyone, watching football on his phone. The next thing I know, he has got an airhorn from somewhere and is dancing around, blasting it in blips.

Brother-In-Law: “Heyyy, champions!”

Me: “Pack it in, will you? We have neighbours.”

He keeps dancing around, ignoring me. 

Brother-In-Law: “Champions, champ-i-ons!”

Thankfully, someone grabs the airhorn off him, and he sits himself back on his phone sulking. I dish up the food and chat and eat. I try to involve him in conversation, but he only looks up from his phone to give a one-word answer.

I set some garden games up for the kids, and some of the adults join in, too. I see [Brother-In-Law] helping my youngest line up a shot with a toy mini golf game. I sit and enjoy watching them. Then, [Brother-In-Law] brings out the airhorn from earlier and puts it up to my youngest’s ears just as they are taking a shot.

Me: “If you even think of pressing that, you will be taking your teeth home in a bag.”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah… like I was really going to do that.”

Thankfully, his wife dragged him home before long. But who brings an airhorn to a garden party? And who in their right mind aims it that close to a child?

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