Af-Fair Way To End A Call

(We’ve had several weeks of chronic calls from the same woman from a telemarketing company, always asking for my husband. She refuses to take our number, which is also listed in the Do Not Call registry. We’ve told her that her company is in violation of laws, to no avail. Once again, the same woman calls; this time, however, I decide to use a trick I’ve employed before.)

Caller: “Is Mr. [my husband] there?”

Me: “This is his wife. May I help you?”

Caller: “No, I need to speak to Mr. [my husband].”

(I feign yelling to my husband away from the phone.)

Me: “YOU SON OF A B****! This w**** has been calling you several times a week and doesn’t have the sense to call when I’m not here! I am sick of your f***ing affairs! THIS IS IT! You pack up and get out now! I AM CALLING A LAWYER!”

Caller: *click*

Husband: “Huh? What was that about?”

Me: “Oh… another telemarketer that did not get the idea of call lists.”

Husband: “So, I had another affair?”

Me: “Yup.”

(The company never called back!)