Addressing The Big Safety Elephant In The Room

(Our school has been having a problem with inattentive jaywalking. There’d been several near-misses, and at least one kid actually did get hit. He was fine though… One of the vice principals thought it through, and decided the following school-wide intercom announcement was the best way to get the message out to 1800 13- to 18-year-olds.)

Vice-Principal: *in goofy cartoon voice* “Hi, kids! I’m Elmer the Safety Elephant, here to remind YOU not to jaywalk, or you could be hit by a car! Just remember to follow the big blue footprints painted outside on the sidewalk all the way to the crosswalk, and you’ll be just fine!”

(The entire school, united in a way it had never been and would never again be, broke out into an intense, raucous, thigh-pounding laughter. The teachers, stunned at this poor sap’s severe misjudging of the student body’s developmental level, were also uncontrollably laughing.)