Acts Of Godawful Coworkers

| Working | May 24, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “This is going to sound incredibly stupid and unreal, but I figured I would ask anyway. I have your [scanner brand] in my hands and the tab in the USB port is mangled beyond belief through no fault of your company. By any chance would ‘Coworker Disasters’ be covered under your warranty?”

Me: “Well, what seems to have happened to it? Maybe there is something I can do for you.”

(The caller sort of chuckles before sighing.)

Caller: “We had just given this new scanner to [coworker] to set up at her desktop. After 20 minutes, I began to hear a weird crunching noise and asked her if there was anything she needed help with. She told me she was just having a lot of trouble with the safety tab. This confused me seeing I have the same scanner and there was no ‘safety tab.’ When I went to check on her, to my horror I saw her with a metal butter knife trying to chip the much needed tab out of the USB port. I stopped her and asked what she thought she was doing.”

(I hear a light slap and what she says next is a bit muffled. I presume she had face-palmed herself at this point.)

Caller: “I couldn’t believe [coworker] sat there completely serious with the butter knife and told me she “didn’t think the tab belonged there,” and since she couldn’t take it out normally, she had gotten the knife to pry it out. So, do you think there is anything you can help me with?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, give me a second and let me see what I can do…”

(At this point I put the poor lady on hold, go to to my supervisor, and ask if there is anything we can do. I get my answer and go back to the call.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am? Well, I talked with my supervisor and normally the highest discount we can give on a scanner is about 25%, but she let me offer you 35%. Also, we can ship the new unit from here and put a bright yellow sticker with the tech support phone number and a caution to call them before opening the box on the outside if you’d like.”

(The caller cracks up laughing on the phone, and then agrees to order a new unit with the discount. We indeed shipped the box with the yellow caution sticker on it. A week later, the customer called in thanking me for the extra service and said she would recommend our product to other companies she knew.)

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