Abject-Oriented Programming

(Note: I am the only programmer in an office full of graphic designers. A few of my colleagues understand programming, but my boss REALLY doesn’t. He often gives me ridiculous deadlines, but for once I am given a whole 3 weeks to make a complex program.)

Boss: “[My name], the presentation has moved to this friday lunchtime.”

Me: “What?! I wont even have a prototype available this week!”

Boss: “You will or you’ll be out of a job. Jeez, how hard can it be? You’re just typing!”

Me: “I’m… what?”

Boss: “You’re just typing! Everyone else around here has to do crazy graphic stuff… now that looks complex. You just need a copy of Office and you’re set.”

Me: “You can’t use Office for pro—”

(At this point, one of my colleagues interrupts.)

Coworker: *to my boss* “Are you being serious? You only told him about the program this morning!”

Boss: “And he should be able to do it in a week!”

Coworker: “Look, I know a little bit of programming, not enough to build it or anything, but it takes ages to make stuff like that! Give him a break, eh?”

Boss: “You’re just nerds! Nerds and geeks! All nerds stick together… oh yeah, sure!”

Me: “I… what?”

Boss: “You’re just trying to make me look bad! Have that d*** program ready for me within a week!”

Me: “Actually, I have a month of holiday left, and according to my contract I have to use it all if I leave. I’m handing in my 30 days notice. I wont be coming in tomorrow!”

Boss: *gets mad and leaves the room*

(I did indeed hand in my notice, and went in the following week for a goodbye party, which my boss conveniently forgot to attend. However, they now outsource all their programming to me anyway, and I work from home and charge twice as much!)