Abandon All Hope, All Ye In Dante’s Diner

(We provide a complimentary bowl of prawn crackers at our restaurant. When I go to take a customers order, I notice he has eaten the entire bowl.)

Customer: “You know, I’m allergic to MSG. I’ll die immediately if I even eat one milligram.”

Me: “Those prawn crackers you just ate have MSG in them.”

Customer: “Oh, my God, I’m going to die!”

(Two hours later, when the bill comes around…)

Customer: “I don’t think I should pay for the meal. I’m going to die anyway.”

Me: “Um… yes, that will happen eventually, but it’s been two hours and you’re still kicking.”

Customer: “Maybe I’ve died and we’re all in purgatory? In that case, technically, I haven’t eaten anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to pay for your meal.”

Customer: “Purgatory waitresses aren’t very compassionate, are they?”