A Zealous Pastafarian

, , , | Right | November 14, 2019

(I am working phones at a pizza restaurant that does not serve anything else.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I would like a [pasta dish]. I have a coupon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t serve pasta here. Only pizza.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. How much will it be?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t serve pasta here.”

Customer: *yelling now* “I know you have them, you idiot. I’ve been ordering the [pasta] every Friday for twenty years! How dare you lie to me?! I want to talk to Jim! I’m gonna get you fired.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no one named Jim here. And it’s impossible for you to have been ordering here every Friday for twenty years. We’ve only been open for three.”

Customer: “You’re lying to me! What kind of idiot are you? Give me my d*** noodles!”

(This went on for a few minutes, until I hung up. She came in a little while later and explained that she had meant to order from our competitor. She still wanted the dish.)

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