A Widening Gulf From Reality

I work in a big box electronics store. A customer walks in and immediately demands:

Customer: “What’s your best, most expensive TV?”

Me: “Well, what’s best and what’s expensive doesn’t always mean the same thing, sir. Maybe if you could describe your home setup I could—”

Customer: “—d*** it, boy, just tell me what’s the most expensive TV y’all got up in here.”

I show him our largest-sized, 8K OLED TV with all the bells and whistles.

Customer: “I’ll take it!”

I get the warehouse guys to wheel a box out while I am processing the transaction out front with the customer.

Customer: “Yessir, we’re all gonna be rich soon! Time to enjoy the finer things in life!”

Since he seems so happy and willing to talk, I ask him:

Me: “Did you recently come into some money, sir?”

Customer: “We all did!”

Me: “We… did?”

Customer: “Stay informed, boy! The president changed it from the Gulf Of Mexico to the Gulf Of America! We own it now! Now we can drill, baby, drill! Black gold!”

Me: *Noticing the card he’s paying with.* “You’re getting an expensive TV on a credit card because… because the president calls it the Gulf Of America?”

Customer: “I’ll be paying this off by next month, just you see!”

I did “see” that next month, when I saw him trying to return the TV for a full refund. Unfortunately, he was outside our thirty-day return window, but all that oil money, any day now, amirite?!