A Whole New Kind Of Dead-Parrot Sketch

| Friendly | December 19, 2016

(I’m taking my twin golden retrievers on a walk around the neighborhood when we come across a dead parrot, of all things. One of my dogs immediately snatches it up and refuses to drop it. His brother gets excited, and soon I’m on the ground, tangled in leashes, trying to pry my dog’s mouth open so he’ll drop the dead parrot. I hear someone exclaim nearby, and look up to see a neighbor I’ve never met approaching.)

Neighbor: “Oh! Your dogs are so cute!”

Me: “Thank– you– Leo, DROP IT!”

Neighbor: “How old are they?”

Me: “Six months.”

(The dog without the parrot in its mouth is now greeting the neighbor, pulling his leash even tighter around my legs.)

Neighbor: “Aw, they’re so sweet! I have a chocolate lab about their age.”

(I’m making progress getting my dog’s mouth open, so I just grunt in reply. I finally get the parrot to fall out of his mouth, and I quickly fling it into the bushes, disgusted.)

Neighbor: “I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m [Neighbor].”

Me: “[My Name]. Nice to meet you.”

(I get to work untangling the leashes, still sitting in the middle of the road.)

Neighbor: “Nice to meet you, too! We should get our dogs together for a play date sometime!”

Me: *finally back on my feet, panting and sweating from the ordeal* “Yeah, sure.”

Neighbor: “Great! Well, enjoy the rest of your walk!”

(She waved and left, beaming. Either a wrestling match between two dogs, a leash-tangled woman, and a dead parrot wasn’t the strangest thing that she’d seen that day, or my dogs were just SO CUTE that she didn’t even notice anything off about the situation.)

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