A Warranted Response

(My parents still have a landline telephone, which is mostly used for outgoing calls. The only “real” people who ever call the line are my mother’s aunts, who are both in their 90s; otherwise, if there’s a call on that line, the odds are excellent that it’s a telemarketer, a scam, or a political shill. I’m helping Mom with a project one afternoon when the landline rings. Note that I worked in an office for several years, and Mom likes to joke about my “secretary voice” on the phone.)

Me: *looks at display* “[Nearby Town] is calling.”

Mom: “Answer it, get rid of them, and block the number. Use your secretary voice.”

Me: *picks up the phone* “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, may I speak to [Mispronunciation of My Stepfather’s Name]?”

Me: “Who may I say is calling?”

Caller: “This is Susan.”

Me: “…from?”

Caller: “Uh. Warranty services.”

Me: “…for?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…”

Caller: *click*

(Apparently, there was no place in her scammer’s script to explain which warranty she wanted to discuss.)