A Very Measured Process

(My company employs a cleaner that constantly tries to tell me how he used to run a cleaning company years ago. Recently he has been tasked to do simple tasks in-between cleaning; today he is measuring up a piece of wood. I happen to walk by.)

Cleaner: “[Manager] has told me to measure this.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Cleaner: “How do I do it?”

Me: “Sorry?” *he is stood with a tape measure in his hand*

Cleaner: “Like what do I write?”

Me: “Oh, okay, when just the length and width, I would put both metric and imperial just to be sure.”

Cleaner: *stares at the extended tape measure for too long* “That’s 52 inches, what’s that? 42 cm?”

Me: “No, if you look that is CM and that is inch next to each other.”

(He looks at me blankly.)

Me: “Look, this side says 52, so that’s your imperial, and this side tells you the CM.”

(He looks at me blankly with his mouth now wide open.)

Me: “So… that number is 132.”

(Still nothing.)

Me: “Write down 132.”

Cleaner: “Oh, okay. I knew that.”

(How he managed to run a whole company I will never know.)