A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

(I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

(The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

(At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

(I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

(At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”