A Sur-pies Guest

(My little brother is 17 years old. He’s hugely socially awkward, and terrified of most new people. He’s developmentally challenged and can’t really be left alone. My mother asks me to stop by her place and watch him on a night I have planned to watch movies with my girlfriend, so I just bring her along. My brother picks ‘Sweeney Todd’, a movie where people are killed and turned into pies.)

Brother: *grabbing his ear and rocking back and forth* “You know I read on the internet you can get really sick from eating people, so the police would know they made people pies, wouldn’t they? I don’t like that it doesn’t add up.”

(He stops, and then stares at my girlfriend thinking he’s creeping her out.)

Girlfriend: *smiles* “Oh, do you know what those types of sicknesses are called?”

(He shakes his head, letting go of his ear to look up at her, puzzled.)

Girlfriend: “You know, in a lot of cases, you have to eat a specific people part to get those sicknesses, and it can take five years or more for the signs to show up. Do you remember how this ends?”

Brother: *gleefully and clapping* “IN THE FURNACE!”

Me: “Well, at least he’s not nervous anymore. On a side note, why do you know that?”

Girlfriend: “Well, I remember reading about mad cow variants a few years ago, and I was curious.”

Me: “You and curiosity…”

Brother: “She’s like a kitty!” *pauses* “But let’s hope it doesn’t kill you.”

(She’s the first non-family member my brother has become comfortable with really quickly. She’s a science major and can simplify things easily so my brother LOVES talking to her.)