A Staple Of Dad Behavior

, , , , | Related | March 3, 2019

My dad is somewhat notorious for having things happen to him. This story happens when I am away at college, and my mom is out of town, visiting her sister.

My dad needs to get up into the attic space above our garage. He sets up a ladder and lifts the covering. What he doesn’t realize is that one of the far corners has broken off. So, when he lifts the near two corners, the one remaining corner isn’t enough to hold the cover steady. It twists and falls on his head, edge on.

He yells, jumps off of the ladder, and lays down so that if he passes out, he doesn’t fall. My sisters — then something like 17 and 13 — come running out and see Dad lying on the floor of the garage, in a spreading pool of blood, and assume the worst.

They manage to compose themselves enough to get him a towel for his head, clean up the mess, etc. After a few minutes, my dad comes to the conclusion that he does not have a concussion — he’s had them before and knows what they feel like–  and that his head is now only oozing, and therefore he is capable of driving himself to the ER. He does not have a cellphone and refuses to borrow my sister’s.

I get home from a day of classes to see that my sister has posted on Facebook, “My dad cut his head open, and is driving himself to the ER. Please pray.” I also assume the worst, especially since my mom is out of town. I call home in a panic and find out that at least it’s not as bad as I had feared.

He ends up getting several staples in his head until it heals. After this and a few other — thankfully more minor — incidents, we have told him he is not allowed to do any work on the house when my mom is gone.

The only thing about this that annoys him: this happens the day after Halloween, so he has this nasty-looking head wound too late to make a costume out of it.

Five years later, driving yourself to the ER without a cellphone is still a byword for stupidity in our family.

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