Christmas Blows

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch watching telly, when I bring up the subject of Christmas presents.)

Me: “You know, I got your sisters and mum a gift, but I have no clue what to give you.”

Boyfriend: “Just give me a Christmas BJ. Not at my mum’s, when we’re back home!”

Me: “Oh, good. Here I thought I’d have to stand up mid-Christmas dinner going, ‘Stand back! It’s time for the Christmas beej! Get me the cranberry sauce and a bauble! This s*** needs to be festive!'”