A Sale That Took So Long You Graduated And Became An Adult

(I’m working on a project at home when someone knocks on the door. I answer, and it’s someone with a clipboard and a jumpsuit from [Electric Company]. Note: I’m in my 20s and own the house.)

Salesman: “Hi there. Is [Name] home?”

Me: “No?”

Salesman: “Oh, okay. Is your mom home?”

Me: “My mom is dead. And before you ask, no, my dad isn’t here.”

Salesman: “So, they just left a child home alone?!”

Me: “Sir, I own this house. I pay the utilities. I’m very much an adult.”

Salesman: “Oh, then let me tell you about—”

Me: “Stop right there. Do you think I’m going to at all be interested in your services now?”

Salesman: “But we’re cheaper than [Current Electric Provider]!”

Me: “Actually, I looked into it when I bought the house. They’re cheaper and have far better customer service. Please don’t come back.”

(I shut the door in his face. A few hours later, I get a knock on my door again. The same salesman is back.)

Me: “Sir, what could you possibly be offering that I haven’t already said no to?”

Salesman: “Well, we offer a student discount! You could save even more—”

Me: “I’m not a student.”

Salesman: “Of course you are! We offer—”

Me: “Sir, I asked you not to come back. You’ve instead returned to harass me more.”

Salesman: “I’m just trying to save you money!”

(My dog, a very large German Shepherd, decides to poke his head out between me and the doorframe. He apparently doesn’t like the salesman, either, and starts growling.)

Salesman: “I, uh, will mark you down as not interested!”

(He didn’t come back.)