A Rude Awakening

(We have this incompetent coworker who always comes in late, leaves when she wants to, and does Facebook and chats on the phone all the time instead of working. She’s friends with the boss, so complaining is futile.)

Me: *checking watch* “Look, she’s late as usual by an hour. What bad work habits.”

Coworker: “That means we’ll have to pick up her slack.” *heavily sighs*

(Suddenly, the incompetent coworker flies out from the back at me, with her coat on half way, clearly just arriving.)

Incompetent Coworker: “Excuse me, [My Name]. I would appreciate you not talking about me behind my back!”

Me: “Why don’t you shape up then?”

Incompetent Coworker: “Excuse me! This is not about my work habits, it’s about you talking behind my back!” *cracks knuckles threateningly* “So stop!”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You’re more worried about people talking about you than your bad work habits?”

Incompetent Coworker: “It’s rude!”

Me: “You seriously can’t expect us to be happy about picking your slack up all the time!”

Incompetent Coworker: “How rude!”

(She started actually coming in on time after that, but quickly went back to her old ways after a while, shooting me dirty looks whenever she passed.)