A Roommate With A View

(My roommate and I are discussing her new boyfriend and privacy before the spring semester begins.)

Me: “If you need some space, just tell me. I’ll go hang out at the coffee house or whatever.”

Roommate: “But I’d feel so bad. It’s your room, too! I can’t just kick you out!”

Me: “I used to set up [Previous Roommate] on dates with her boyfriend so that [Ex] and I could have the room to ourselves. I even bribed [Friend] with Pocky and duct tape to ‘chaperone’ them.”

Roommate: “What?! Really?! But I can’t use that trick on you.”

Me: “It’s okay; I have noise-cancelling headphones.”

(It takes her a second to get what I’m implying, and then we both crack up!)