A (Religiously) Extreme Reaction

(Our inbound services take calls for a lot of the as-seen-on-TV products. I am working there soon after 9/11 and we have a particular caller who would often call to rant about how we were a scam.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Why the h*** would I want to buy a thing of Charlton Heston reading the Bible? Do you know what kind of a man he is?”

Me: “You’re calling for the ‘Charlton Heston Reads the Bible’ then, sir?”

Caller: “H***, yes, I’m calling about that. I want to know what sort of d*** outfit you’re running there that you think I’d want to buy a thing of Heston reading the Bible.”

Me: “Well, I can’t say what you would like, sir, but a lot of people seem to like this product. It has been fairly popular. Possibly because Charlton Heston played Moses in The Ten Commandments.”

Caller: “Like h*** he did! And like h*** this is popular. Didn’t you know that Charlton Heston was part of the NRA!”

Me: “Yes, I was aware of that.”

Caller: “Then why the hell would anyone let him read the Bible? You know, I’ll bet he was working with this Al Qaeda people!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m fairly certain that Charlton Heston is affiliated with an entirely separate group of religious extremists.”

(I somehow never got written up for this.)