A Regular A**-Hole

(I work in a popular international coffee chain. We often get confusing drink orders from customers, but this exchange takes the cake!)

Customer: “Can I get a [Popular Hot Drink] with regular milk?”

Me: “Did you want skim, 2%, or whole?”

Customer: “I want regular milk.”

Me: “Right, but what do you consider ‘regular’? We have three types: Skim, 2%, or, whole?”

Customer: *clearly getting agitated* “REGULAR. MILK.”

Me: “Right, so 2%? Whole?”

Customer: “I JUST WANT SOME GOD-D*** REGULAR MILK! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: *quickly writes 2% on the cup and passes it down*

Me: *over the headset after the customer walks away* “What is regular milk?”

Coworker #1: “I always drink 2%.”

Coworker #2: “I would have said whole.”

Coworker #3: “I’m tempted to make his drink with water to be honest.”

Manager: “He wants you to get the cow and squirt the milk directly into his drink. Obviously.”

(The customer continued to make comments about our incompetence under his breath while his coffee was being made, but didn’t seem to care that I had written “2%” on his cup instead of “regular.”)