A Quack Of All Trades

(I work at the information desk in a section of the hospital allocated for renting to private practices. It’s a pretty large building, so we get a lot of patients asking directions to a certain doctor’s office.)

Patient: “I have an appointment at 2:00. Where do I go?”

Me: “Well, this is a large building with a lot of doctors in it. Who did you need to see?”

Patient: “I don’t know. Can’t you look it up? My name is [name].”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have access to the doctors’ schedules. Do you remember what kind of doctor it was? General practitioner, cardiologist—”

Patient: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “What were you seeing the doctor for?”

Patient: “My kidneys, I think…”

(I start going through the list of doctors looking for nephrologists.)

Me: “Does [nephrologist] sound familiar?”

Patient: “I don’t remember! Just tell me where my appointment is!”