A Pulled-Teeth Burger

(I’m a cook at a diner with an open kitchen, but because we work with a skeleton crew, I often step onto the floor to help take orders. Today I stepped in to take an order for a man who came in alone.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

(The customer doesn’t respond, and continues staring at the menu. After a few seconds, I continue.)

Me: “Can I start you off with anything to drink today?”

Customer: “Burger with fried onions and French fries!”

Me: “And would you like anything to drink with that?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “Of course! A [Soda]!”

(I proceed to enter and cook his order. After finishing his meal, the customer calls me over again.)

Customer: “I’d like you to start that burger for my wife!”

(No one had mentioned any burger to me, or the server.)

Me: “Ummm, sure! What would she like on it?”

(Customer stares at me again like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “You figure it out! You’re the d*** cook!”

(It took me a few moments to comprehend what had just occurred. I was somehow, in my infinite capacity as a diner cook, to know what someone whom I’ve never met before wanted on their burger, and that I was at fault for not being able to do so. Utterly bewildered, I went back to the kitchen and called the server over.)

Me: “Listen, I have no idea what’s going on, but the guy at B4 just placed a burger order for his wife, but won’t tell me what to put on it. Can you please find out?”

(The server comes back almost ten minutes later, during which I had to take the remaining customers orders while cooking.)

Server: “That was like pulling f****** teeth! Apparently she wants fried onions and mushrooms on it, no cheese.”

Me: “What side?”

(Server gets a look of horror on her face and looks over at the customer. She had forgotten to ask.)

Server: “She wants fries. Give her fries.”