A Performance Fit For The Stage

(I work at a box office for a theatre that tapes a Bravo television series. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Theater] box office! This is [My Name]. May I help you?”

Patron: “Hi, is this where I can find out the taping schedule for [TV Show]? I have [Actor]’s personal cell phone number but didn’t feel like bothering him today. By the way, have you seen [Actor’s First Name] lately? I was wondering how he’s doing. We haven’t caught up in a long time. What’s he been doing to keep busy? I don’t really notice a lot of new episodes coming out on Bravo, what with all that awful reality crap and the housewives and all the cooking. Do you think you can tell the powers that be that there are viewers out there that actually want quality programming? I want fewer housewives and more [TV Show].”

Me: “Um… well… I just work in the box office here at [University], so I don’t actually know Mr. [Actor] or anyone at Bravo.”

Patron: “Well, that’s too bad. Am I still on your mailing list?”

Me: “Were you notified about the [Other Actor] taping?”

Patron: “Yes!”

Me: “Then you are still on our mailing list.”

Patron: “Can you check, please? I want to be sure.”

Me: “What’s your email address?”

Patron: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “You don’t remember?”

Patron: “I don’t use it a lot and I forgot the password.”

Me: “Then how are you going to see our email notifications?”

Patron: “You have a point. I’ll just drop by your box office the next time I’m in New York. I don’t know when I’m getting there next. I live in Oregon, you know. Have a nice day and say hi to Mr. [Actor] for me.”