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A PB&J At Home Is Nice, Too

, , , , , , | Right | May 15, 2023

I visited a local sandwich shop the other day that has a tendency for odd things to happen every time I go there. In fact, I am almost 100% sure that the location is always chaotic whether I am there or not.

As soon as I walked in, I was greeted with the following conversation. 

Sandwich Artist: “A Cold Cut, on which bread?”

Customer: “Footlong.”

Sandwich Artist: “Footlong, on which bread?”

Customer: “Footlong…”

Sandwich Artist: “Yes, sir, on which bread?”

Customer: “FOOTLONG!”

Sandwich Artist: “What… On what. Bread. Sir?”

Customer: “FOOTLONG! What’s so hard to understand?!”

Sandwich Artist: “Sir, what bread?”

She went on to list all of the breads they had, and the customer looked confused. 

Customer: “What happened to the footlong?! Do you not have it anymore?!”

Sandwich Artist:What?!

Customer: “I want footlong!”

Sandwich Artist: “Sir, ‘footlong’ is not a bread type!”

Customer: “What? 

Sandwich Artist: “A footlong is a twelve-inch sandwich. Footlong is the size of the sandwich.”

There was an uncomfortably long pause. 

Customer: “What’s the normal bread?”

Sandwich Artist: “Artisan Italian?”

Customer: “I don’t know! The normal one!”

The sandwich artist held up a loaf of white bread.

Customer: “YES!”

Sandwich Artist: “Okay, this is called an Artisan Italian loaf. You can also say ‘white bread’ in the future.”

Customer: “Okay!”

Sandwich Artist: “Okay… Okay…”

Customer: “And I need the second sandwich on the ziggy bread.”

Sandwich Artist: “…the… what?”

Customer: “The one that looks like a placemat.”

Sandwich Artist: “Gotcha. That one I understood. Okay. For the first sandwich, what kind of cheese do you want?”

Customer: “Pastrami!”

Sandwich Artist: “Provolone?”

Customer: “Oh…. Yeah, pastrami is the meat, isn’t it?”

Sandwich Artist: “Yes.”

Customer: “You know what? Just make both sandwiches exactly like the pictures so we can both move on with our lives.”

Sandwich Artist: “That I can do.”

He tipped $10.

The employee had to take a break in the walk-in freezer.

Question of the Week

What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?

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