A Parrot On The Other Line

(It is shortly after my uncle has passed away. I’m at his house helping his girlfriend sort out the documents related to all his bills, when the phone rings. As my uncle’s girlfriend had gone to get us lunch, I answer it.)

Me: “Hello.”

Telemarketer: “Hello there, my name is [name] from [electric company]. I would like to speak to Mr.[uncle’s name] about changing his electricity supplier.”

Me: “I’m afraid he passed away a few weeks ago, and is no longer with us.”

Telemarketer: “I see. So when do you think he will be available?”

Me: “He won’t. I said He’s no longer with us.”

Telemarketer: “So you said. I was asking when he would be back. It’s urgent I speak with him regarding his electricity bill, as we believe we could save him up to £50 per year on his bill.”

Me: “You’re not getting it. He’s passed on! My uncle is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life! He rests in peace! Am I getting through to you?”

Telemarketer: *hangs up*

(I told my uncle’s girlfriend this when she returned. When she realized I had quoted Monty Python, it was the first time I had seen her smile since my uncle died.)