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A Noddy To The Wise

| Working | June 20, 2014

(I have already taken a couple of calls about ‘a car accident you were involved in’ but they have not listened to my request for being taken off the list. So, I did a little research and am ready for the next caller.)

Caller: “Can I speak to [My Name], please?”

Me: “Speaking.”

Caller: “My name’s [Caller] from [Company]. Your insurance company has passed on your details to us regarding a road traffic accident you had, and we’d like to talk to you about compensation.”

Me: “Is this about the hit and run?”

Caller: “Well, I didn’t see that in the det—”

Me: “Yeah, it was a hit and run. Some youth in a blue, red, and yellow convertible hit me and drove off. I don’t remember much about him, but he did have a blue hat with some gold bling on top.”

Caller: “Okay!”

(I can hear him typing away furiously, taking down the details.)

Me: “He did have a passenger with him. An elderly bloke with a large white beard, no moustache, and big ears.”

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “The car registration was November, Oscar, Delta, five, one, three.”

Caller: “This is interesting. The insurance company hasn’t given us all these details.”

Me: “Yeah. Anyway, there was a witness: a Miss Blyton, spelled B-L-Y-T-O-N, first name Enid.”

Caller: “So you had a witness, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Good. The car registration is coming up as a Fiat coupe. Was that it?”

Me: “I don’t know. It could be. I’m not very good with cars. I know it was a convertible.”

Caller: “Was it an old car, box shaped?”

Me: “It might have been. It all happened so fast and I’m terrible at recognising car types.”

Caller: “Did you contact your insurance company?”

Me: “No, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who dealt with the case. His name was PC Plod.”

Caller: “So it’s in the hands of the police?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “That’s good. Thanks for the information. I’m not sure why the insurance company didn’t give us any of these details, but what I’ll do is talk to my supervisor and see what he thinks we can do. I’ll look into it and get back to you as soon as possible.”

Me: *thinking to myself that he won’t when he realizes* “Yes, you do that. I look forward to hearing back.”

(All this had happened whilst I was at work, so I relate what had just happened to my work colleagues. I was part way through telling them, when my phone rings again.)

Supervisor: “Is that [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, it is. Hello!”

Supervisor: “This is [Supervisor] from [Company]. You spoke a short while ago to [Caller] about the hit and run.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Supervisor: “Did you contact your insurance company about this incident?”

Me: “No. As I said to your colleague, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who attended the scene, PC Plod, and the witness Enid Blyton.”

Supervisor: “Oh, right. This is a wind up, isn’t it?”

Me: “Oh, well done for spotting. Now, would you mind removing me from the list?”

Supervisor: “All right. But before you go, can I ask you something? Do you read much Enid Blyton?”

Me: “Not for a long time, no.”

Supervisor: “Tell me, was Enid Blyton involved much with the BFG?”

Me: “No, that was Roald Dahl.”

Supervisor: “You really do know your stuff. I’ll take you off our list. Bye!”

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