A Mayo-Subbed Sub, Please

, , , | Working | July 9, 2020

One afternoon while working as a teller at the bank, I call up a nicely-dressed man who hands me a check to cash along with an out-of-state license. While helping him, I do the whole mandatory chatting thing.

Me: “I hope you’re enjoying your visit to [Town]. What brings you here?”

Customer: “I’m the district manager for [Sub Shop Chain]. I’m spending a few days visiting the local franchises in the area. Surprise inspections.”

Me: *With a happy squeal* “Oh, I love [Sub Shop Chain] subs! They’re the best! I probably order there at least once a week.”

Customer: “I’m glad to hear from a satisfied customer. Do you have any feedback on your local store you’d like to share with me?”

Me: “I really do love the subs, and the delivery is freaky fast. The only problem I run into is that when I order delivery they put mayo on my sub about half the time, and then I have to drive over to the store to get my sub remade. Mind you, they always replace it with a smile; I just wish they’d stop putting mayo on it, to begin with. Yuck. I can’t specify ‘no mayo’ because the Italian sub doesn’t even come with mayo. It comes with vinaigrette. So, it would be nice if there was a ‘no mayo’ option even if the sub isn’t supposed to come with mayo. Or maybe a comment box to make specifications about your order. I’ve tried to put it in the delivery instruction box, but that doesn’t help.”

Customer: *With a disgusted face* “Mayo and vinaigrette on the same sandwich? That sounds awful! I’ll look into that.”

After work that night, I decide that subs for dinner sound delicious, so I place a delivery order for the family. Fifteen minutes later, I’m unwrapping my sub to check for the devil’s condiment. Sure enough, there’s mayonnaise on my Italian sub. Ugh.

My family knows the deal by this point, so they don’t say anything as I rewrap the sandwich and set off to return it to the store. I’m just getting out of my car in the parking lot when I notice the man getting out of the car parked two spaces away from me. It’s the district manager I chatted with earlier in the day, arriving for a surprise inspection of the store.

Customer: “Mayo on the Italian?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Unbelievable! Come with me.”

He walked me into the shop, called all of the workers into a huddle, and gave them an earful about following the listed ingredients for the subs to increase customer satisfaction and avoid food waste. I heard one of the workers interject that “a sandwich is DRY without mayo!” but he was quickly chided by the district manager that there was a specific ingredient list for each sub, and it needed to be followed regardless of his opinions on the matter.

My sub was quickly remade by an unsmiling employee, and the district manager handed me several coupons for free subs while apologizing for my inconvenience.

It’s been a few weeks, but I’m afraid to use those coupons now. I might get an Italian without mayo, but there might be some other unsavory additions after the district manager chewed them out because of me!

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