A Little Pizza Justice

All week, we’ve been getting daily — if not hourly — prank calls from a boy who sounds like he’s about twelve. After the first few calls, we learn to recognise the number, so we pick up and hang up straight away to keep the phone clear. At a slow moment in my shift, I get tired of the calls and decide to actually answer.

Me: “Hi, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

I hear barely suppressed laughter.

Caller: “Hi. I want to place an order.”

Me: “Certainly, for delivery?”

We don’t do delivery.

Caller: “Yes, I want 100 large pepperoni pizzas!”

My, oh, my, aren’t you hungry?

In the meantime, I’m looking up the number in our order list, and I get an address. Bingo!

Me: *In a completely friendly tone* “Of course, sir. For such large orders, our couriers can’t take the money or carry change. But we can bill you through your phone bill. I have your address as [Address], and the bill will be sent to you automatically. Thanks for ordering!”

I hang up.

They call back within ten seconds and keep trying for at least five minutes. I just let it ring.

Then, I get a call from a different number, so I answer.

Me: “Hello, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help?”

A crying kid is audible in the background.

Caller #2: “Hi. My son called you and placed an order for 100 pizzas?”

Me: “Oh, hi! Yeah, don’t worry about that. No order was placed and no bills were issued. I just wanted his constant prank calls to stop.”

Caller #2: “Figured…” *In a fairly loud, mock/sarcastic voice* “Well, I guess the bill will have to come from his little piggy bank, then. Too bad he was saving up for a bike but bought pizza, instead.” *Whispering* “Sorry about all that. It won’t happen again.”

Right before they hung up, I could hear the child crying his lungs out.

We got no more prank calls from that number. Sweet justice!

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