A Dustbuster Is Required For Her Head

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(A middle-aged customer has been standing with her mouth open in the middle of the store, staring off into space, for a little while now, about two minutes. Since I’ve finished the job I was doing for the moment. I go and ask her what would she like help with. I already know this is going to be a mistake.)

Me: “Morning. Need any help with anything?”

Customer: “Dustbuster.”

(She has a peculiar way of speaking.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Dustbuster.”

Me: “You want a Dustbuster?”

(I heard it this time, but I’m wracking my brains to try and remember what a Dustbuster is. Is it a new duster?)

Customer: “Yes, where are your Dustbusters?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m drawing a blank here; what is a Dustbuster?”

Customer: “You know, it’s a Dustbuster!”

Me: *sighs internally* “I don’t know; that’s why I’m asking.”

(I’m not losing my patience, but it’s the beginning of the day and I’m barely awake.)

Customer: “You know.” *turns 180 degrees and points straight away* “That’s a Dustbuster.”

(She points in amongst our section of vacuum cleaners to a specific model; it’s a small, handheld one that is impossible to see where we are standing. So, did she find it beforehand and wait for someone to help her so she could test them? Why didn’t she just say it was a vacuum cleaner? Nobody knows! The next time I walk by, she grabs my attention for help. I keep a smile on my face.)

Me: “Hello again. Need anything?”

Customer: “Does this come with a charger?”

Me: “I’d expect so; we don’t sell them separately.”

(I take the box and start looking over it to check, just to be sure.)

Customer: “Well, does it or not?”

Me: “I’m just checking the box to be sure.”

Customer: “Well, does it?”

Me: “Yep.”

(I find it pretty quickly, no thanks to her demanding. There’s a big picture on the side saying as much. I wish more customers would actually use their eyes and brain before getting Mummy to read for them like children.)

Me: “See? It’s got a charging stand included.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. So, I don’t need to buy it separately, then?”

Me: “Nope, not at all.”

Customer: “So, why did you say I did?”

Me: “I said, we don’t sell them separately.”

Customer: “So, why would you say I needed to buy it if you don’t sell it?”

(Every retail assistant has had the moment where they pause, and have to think about the best way to say something — something that covers all the bases and answers all the questions so we can move on.)

Me: “No, I said we don’t sell them if you needed it, but since it’s already included in the box, you don’t need to buy one from us, since it’s already in the box.”

Customer: “Okay. So, does it come with any attachments?”

Me: *points to the next picture down* “Yep, it comes with a window cleaning attachment, too, as well as replacement nozzles.”

Customer: “And how powerful is it?”

Me: *points to the next picture down, showing her specifically that if she has a question, she should probably read these pictures first* “It says here 800w.”

Customer: “Ah, right, I see.” *praise Mary* “So, does it take bags?”

Me: *points to the next d***ed picture* “Nope, it’s got its own filter so you can just empty that out.”

Customer: “Okay, I want to see it.”

(I open it up and show her, and she prods it a few times, as customers are wont to do, while I explain its mechanisms and how it works. I’ve never seen the d*** thing before in my life, and as a customer assistant you get very good at improv and how things work.)

Customer: “I’ll think about it. Goodbye.”

(This roughly means, “I’m off to buy it from somewhere else; they’re cheaper but they’re not as helpful as you! Bye bye, suckers!” I spend the next five minutes wondering how to get the d*** thing back in the box; it’s already been twenty minutes at this stage.)

Manager: “Why haven’t you done [thing] yet?”

Me: “There was an annoying customer.”

(My manager sympathised and completely understood.)

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