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A Double-Edged Flat Screen

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2009

Customer: “You have to help me; I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Calm down, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My husband and I bought a big-screen TV last week from this store.”

Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “I want it out of my house! Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Is it not functioning properly?”

Customer: “No. It works perfectly. That’s the problem. Every night, our house turns into a sports bar; all his friends come over to watch TV until three am and I can’t get any sleep! They eat all the food I cook, they broke my grandmother’s crystal vase, and they spilled beer all over the rugs! I want my house back!”

Me: “Well, you know, ma’am, you could always turn the tables.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You have girlfriends, right?”

(The woman’s face displays a grin of diabolical proportions.)

Customer: “You have DVDs here, right?”

Me: “Just over there.”

Customer: “Thank you very much for your help!”

(I took my break just after that and saw the woman carrying in her arms at least a dozen DVDs. Among them: the Sex and the City movie, Terms of Endearment, Sweet November, Steel Magnolias, Legally Blonde, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and even Gone with the Wind. Her husbands’ beer buddies never stood a chance.)