A Deal You Can’t Pass Up! Except You Totally Can.

My broadband contract is up for renewal. Spookily, I see an advert on social media for new and existing customers. It’s about the same price, but there is a free smart device and smart plug. I go to my broadband account but can’t see the offer. Confused, I open the chat feature on the website.

Me: “Hi. I’m interested in [package] with the free gift.”

Tech: “Yes, that will be the one at [slightly higher price].”

Me: “Oh, I thought it was cheaper. Did I misread the advert?”

Tech: “I’m afraid so. The total for the package with the free gift will be £29 a month for eighteen months. But it does come with a free gift of the smart speaker and plug, worth £79!”

Me: “So, if I pay £5 a month more for eighteen months — a total of £90 — I will get a free gift worth £79?”

Tech: “I understand what you are saying, but those are the requirements of the offer.”

Me: “I don’t think I will take you up on that.”

The tech gives me the “important customer” script.

Tech: “What can we do to keep you? We can price-match another quote.”

Me: “Nothing. The service is annoying and poor at times. I would have put up with it for a new smart speaker. But I can get better service at the same price somewhere else.”

Tech: “Thank you, but the deal is set at that price.”

Me: “I completely understand. As I said, I won’t be renewing at this time.”

Tech: “You know what? I understand. Thank you for your time. Would you be able to fill in a quick survey?”

I did, and to be fair, they got the full five stars even if they didn’t keep my business.