A Coupon Of Diminishing Returns

(I’m running a shift at a pizza delivery restaurant when one of my insiders comes up to me and begs me to take a phone call for her before she loses it.)

Me: “I’m sorry about the hold, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “That girl was very rude! You need to fire her and get a new one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that; I will talk to her.”

Customer: “She wouldn’t give me the coupon I wanted and is ripping me off.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what’s going on here.”

(I look at the screen and verify that the order on it matches what she wants. It includes a small pizza with multiple toppings and a side item.)

Customer: “Yes, that is what I want and I have a coupon here that says it’s for $4.99, and I expect that to be honored. I spend over $60 a week here. I’m a regular customer and I don’t like being ripped off and lied to. My order shouldn’t be over $5.00.”

Me: “Okay, well, the side item is $3.99 by itself.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

Me: “That coupon is only for a small pizza.”

Customer: “What? Are you serious? That much and all I get is just a pizza? That’s a complete ripoff. I should get side item for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Fine. Take it off, then.”

Me: “Okay.” *gives her the new price*

Customer: “No, no, no! That is wrong again! It’s only $5.00!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the coupon you have is for a one-topping small. You added two extra toppings.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It doesn’t say I can only choose one topping. That is false advertising.”

Me: “The coupon specifically states ‘one-topping small’ in its title.”

Customer: *angry huff* “Just take off the two other toppings, then. After all the money I spend here every week, I can’t believe I’m being treated like this.”

(I give her the new price.)

Customer: “HOLD UP! UH-UH, that ain’t right again. I did all the stuff you asked me to do; I took off all the food and the toppings. Why the h*** is it over $5.00?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a delivery charge.”

Customer: *click*

(You would think after all that food she ordered week after week, she would have been aware of a delivery charge.)