A Couple Of Things Wrong With That Assumption

| Related | December 12, 2013

(I am with my older brother, visiting my dad. I am male. We are taking a walk downtown and we decide to stop by a coffee shop for some sweets. We are very close and always have been. We tend to touch and lean into each other’s personal space a lot.)

Older Brother: “I think I’m gonna get the caramel latte. What do you want?”

Me: “I don’t know. Let me look.”

(My older brother decides to tease me by covering my eyes with his hands and draping himself over my back.)

Me: “Hey! Stop that! I can’t see the menu!”

Older Brother: “What, honey? What did you say? I can’t hear you!”

(My older brother continues to tease me while the barista and nearby customers laugh at us.)

Me: “You know what? You’re ordering for me, and you’re paying!”

Older Brother: “Fine. You can get the blueberry pie and a chocolate chip cookie.”

(We find a seat near the window as we wait for our food to come. My brother sits next to me and we play games on his phone. The food comes and we notice that the barista gave us an extra muffin. We call her back to explain it to her.)

Older Brother: “We didn’t order the muffin. I think you’ve made a mistake.”

Barista: “Oh, don’t worry about that. That’s on the house because you guys are so cute. It’s so rare to see couples so in love these days.”

Me: “Huh? What?”

Older Brother: “OH MY GOD. YOU THOUGHT WE WERE A COUPLE?!”

(My brother starts to pull out his phone.)

Me: “WE’RE BROTHERS!” *notices brother* “Wait. ARE YOU TEXTING DAD ABOUT THIS?!”

(We all laugh. The waitress lets us keep the free muffin. My brother and I fed each other the muffin like a couple would, and tipped her $20.)

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