A Couple Of Annoying Squirts

(Our shop is pretty quiet at the moment. The only customer in it is a twenty-something woman, eating her meal and reading a book. Two boys, about fifteen and thirteen, come in carrying what appears to be badly painted water pistols.)

Older Boy: Yo, b****! This is a stick up!

Younger Boy: “Yeah, give us all your money! Empty the register.”

(At this point, the woman looks up. She gets a very angry look on her face.)

Me: “Those aren’t real guns.”

Older Boy: “F***, yeah, they are! Hurry up!”

(The woman walks over to them and taps the older boy on the shoulder.)

Older Boy: *turns around* “What the?”

(He freezes and stutters for words. The woman smacks the other boy’s head with her book.)

Woman: “What the h*** do you two think you’re doing? Are those squirt guns?”

(Both boys look shocked. The older one is beet red and the younger one is actually crying.)

Woman: “Go to the corner, right this instant! I’m calling your mother.”

(Both boys go to sit in the corner of the restaurant.)

Woman: “Ah! Apologize to this nice lady first!”

Both Boys: “S…s…sorry!”

Woman: “Now go stand in that corner and face the wall!”

(Both boys obey and stand against the wall. The woman then turns back to me.)

Woman: “I’m sorry, I really am.”

(The woman proceeds to call their mother, who shows up five minutes later and hauls both boys out. Apparently, the woman is their aunt. She left us two twenty dollar bills in our tip jar!)