A Cleaner With A Dirty Attitude

(The store that I work at tunes up vacuum cleaners for customers. The policy is that we service the machines on a first-come, first-serve basis and any commercial use of a non-commercial model voids the warranty. A customer comes in to pick up her vacuum.)

Customer: “What the f*** took you people so long! And what the f*** makes you think I’m going to pay for this s***?! My machine is still under warranty! I’m not paying for s***! You motherf****ers can kiss my a** if you think I am!”

Me: “Ma’am, please stop swearing at me. I haven’t cursed at you, and I’ll ask you to extend me the same courtesy.”

Customer: “F*** you! I’m not swearing! And even if I was, I have a right! It took you f***ing forever to get me this f***ing machine, and I need it for my business!”

Me: “Ma’am, in the first place all machines are serviced on a first come first serve basis and we actually got your machine back two days earlier than promised. In the second place, you’ve just admitted that you use it in your business and the warranty clearly states that use of that machine for commercial purposes voids the warranty. So, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to request that you pay for all service done before I release the machine to you.”

Customer: “F*** you! I shouldn’t have to wait! I spend money here! Everyone knows that if you spend money you get to go first! And I’m not paying for s***! I clean nice houses with this machine! It’s not like I’m working down in some n**** neighborhood cleaning rent assistance places because those f***ing crack w****s don’t know how to pick up after themselves!”

(She then stands in the middle of the store screaming the f-word at me repeatedly. When she finally pauses for breath, another customer who has been waiting her turn gets her attention.)

Other Customer: “Excuse me. Did I hear you say you clean houses for a living?”

Customer: “Yeah, I clean nice houses. Why?”

Other Customer: “Do you have any business cards? I’ve been looking for a service and several of my friends have too.”

(The first customer gives me a smug look and hands the other customer several cards, which she examines and tucks in her purse.)

Other Customer: “Thank you. I just wanted to make sure no one I knew hired you by mistake. Now pay for your repairs before I call the police and tell them there’s a crazy person going berserk in the vacuum store.”

(The first customer pays, calls me several more choice names and leaves. When I ring up the other customer who told her off, I somehow manage to ‘accidentally’ hit the warranty key on all her repairs, and send her home with a couple of the homemade cookies I had made for my coworkers.)

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