A Clam Scam

It’s late summer in our town, which has a very busy tourist summer season. Our town population easily triples at this time. The town and store are packed with out-of-towners. I’m closing up the deli counter around 9 PM. The seafood counter, which is right next door, closed at 7 PM. Their display case is dark, lids down, no staff in sight.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see two women at the seafood case. Except… they’re not just looking. One of them is tugging at the curved glass front like it’s a door. Before I can even register what I’m seeing, they’ve lifted the heavy glass and are leaning halfway in, scooping around the raw mussels and shrimp with their hands.

Me: *Hustling over.* “Excuse me! What are you doing?!”

Customer #1: *Startled, but trying to play it cool.* “Oh, uh, we thought it was self-serve.”

I just stare at them. The seafood is literally on crushed ice in giant trays, with tongs behind the counter, the counter that no one is standing behind.

Me: “Self-serve? Ma’am… It’s raw seafood. That’s… not how this works.”

Customer #2: *Tutting.* “Well, no one was here, so we figured—”

Me: “—No. What you figured was sticking your hands in raw clams was a good idea.”

They exchange a guilty glance, close the lid, and back away like they’ve been caught breaking into a safe.

Customer #1: “Well, if you don’t want the sale…”

Me: “Trust me, I really don’t want that sale.”

They leave empty-handed. I go back to cleaning the slicers and shake my head. Security is eyeing them up now, likely due to seeing what I saw.

Customer #1: *Shouting at security, pointing back at me.* “We told him already! We thought it was self-serve!”

B****… no you didn’t.