A Civil Dispute

(The history department is preparing next year’s syllabus.)

Teacher #1: “Right, so how can word this? If we make it look like a joke they’ll just do it even more.”

Teacher #2: “If we make it look like an unoriginal joke AND we threaten their grades, maybe they’ll listen.”

Teacher #1: *typing* “Okay… how’s this?”

Teacher #2: “Looks good to me. Hey, [Department Head], we have a proposed amendment to next year’s syllabus. ‘All possible jokes about seceding from the school have been made during previous Civil War classes, and any such jokes that result in classroom disruptions will impact students’ final grades.’ How’s that sound?”

Department Head: “No good. We tried something like that in 2007, and they just seceded every year as opposed to every few years. Hey, [Teacher #3], can you make an amendment to the syllabus guidebook?”

Teacher #3: “Sure. Whatcha got?”

Department Head: “All possible attempts to discourage secessions during civil war classes have been attempted, and these suggestions should not be incorporated into the syllabus.”

Teacher #3: “No good. We tried that in the nineties, and that just made all the teachers try to come up with novel schemes every year.”