A Catalog Of Impossible Requests

Caller: “You need to fix your webpage!”

Me: “What is the issue you’re having with the site, sir?”

Caller: “You need to make it more accessible!”

Me: “We have a range of accessibility options that—”

Caller: “Not everyone my age has the Internet! You need to make it so people can use your webpage without the Internet!”

Me: “You’d like us to make our website accessible without the Internet?”

Caller: “Yes! And make it like a book! And maybe send it out as a book?”

Me: “We have a catalog that we can—”

Caller: “You’re not listening! Tell your website people that the website needs to not be an Internet thing and it needs to be a book.”

Me: “…yes, sir.”

Caller: “You be sure to tell them!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sir. I’ll be telling everyone.”