A Card-Carrying Member Of The Idiot Club

Me: “Will this be everything?”

Customer: “Yes.” *watches as I pick up each item, handle it to turn it over, scan it and place it in a bag*

Me: “Your total is [total]. You can slide your card now, right there.”

Customer: *slides card*

Me: “Oh, is it credit? May I see the card?”

Customer: *holds the card in front of my face and waves it back and forth, so I can’t see it*

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You can SEE it, but you can’t touch it.” *patronizing smile* “That’s how GERMS get passed around.”

Me: “Well, can you hold it still for just a moment?”

Customer: “I don’t want to catch anything…” *holds card still… and continues lecturing about germs*

Me: “Okay, now you just sign there on the pin pad and hit ‘Done.'”

Customer: “You have to be very careful!” *grabs pin pad and attached pen (which has, by that afternoon, been handled by hundreds of people)* “I never let anyone touch my cards!”