A Buffet Of Bad Behavior

(Our hotel is a few blocks away from a homeless shelter, so sometimes the homeless come to feast at our breakfast buffet. A young man in his twenties sits and eats like a wolf.)

Coworker: “Sir, are you a guest here?”

Man: “Naw.”

Coworker: “This is only for guests; you must leave.”

Man: “I’ll eat if I want to! Ain’t no skinny wimmin gonna tell me ta leave!” *still eating like crazy*

Me: “Sir, if you don’t leave, I’ll call the police.”

Man: “This is a public place!”

(This is a common misconception; though our business is open to the public, it is privately owned.)

Me: “No, it’s not public, and if you continue to stay, I’ll call the police.”

Man: *with full mouth* “Eff you!” *swallows* “D*** government controlled b****es.”

(I picked up the phone and dialed. The man’s grumbles got louder when I asked for the police. A cop showed up, and the man suddenly got up, grabbed about five donuts and three muffins, then ran around like crazy with his cheeks full like a chipmunk. The cop tried to grab him but he was super quick. My coworker and I were dumbfounded, and we never saw him again.)