A Bona-Fido Idiot

(I am a dog walker. I’ve focused on an apartment complex near me, and get to know everyone’s dogs very well. The one I have the most trouble with is an Airedale Terrier. He is a biter, and the owner does not allow a muzzle on her dog. Unfortunately, not everyone would heed my warnings about not touching the dog.)

Man: “Hey, that’s a cute terrier. Can I pet your dog?”

(In anticipation, I wind the terrier’s leash tighter while keeping an eye on the second dog, which is a mastiff.)

Me: “Well, sir, he’s not my dog, and I wouldn’t advise petting him as he bites.”

Man: *stretches his arm towards the dog* “Nonsense, young lady. Terriers are the sweetest things, not like that pit you have there. You really shouldn’t own pits, you know. Crazy dangerous they are.”

Me: *pulls the dog back* “Sir, that’s a mastiff and neither of these are my dogs. I’m just their walker. Please do not touch the Airedale. He bites.”

Man: *still tries to pet the dog* “He’s so cute! Look at those little ears and that tail just wagging away!”

Me: “Sir, for the third time, please do not put your hand near the dog.”

Man: “Let’s give you a little pat eh-YRROUCH! He bit me!”

Me: *exasperated* “Yes, sir. He did. Did he break the skin?”

Man: “Your dog is crazy! You should be arrested for bring a dangerous animal in public!”

Me: “Sir, I did warn you and for the last time it is not my dog.”

Man: “What if I was a child?!”

Me: “You certainly have the logic of one.”