A Big Pink Lie

Customer: “I’d like to return this please, and no, I do not want an exchange.”

She turns and laughs to the line of customers behind her.

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t sell this. You may have bought it next door?”

Customer: *Blushes* “No, no. I definitely bought it here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t sell these. I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “No. Do you even know who I am?”

I shake my head.

Customer: “I live in that house up there.” *Points out of the window*

Me: “The large pink house?”

Customer: “Exactly, in [Expensive Part Of Town].”

Me: “That really doesn’t affect whether I can refund this, and besides, that’s not your house. It’s my grandmother’s.”

Customer: *Laughs* “You lying wart. I live there, not your white-trash grandmother who’s probably pissing herself with dementia because you can’t afford a decent home for her. Do me a favour and call the manager, please?”

I don’t bother to respond and call the only senior person in the store at that moment, the owner. When he arrives, the customer goes on a tirade, insulting my grandmother and claiming again that she lives in the “pink house up the hill.” The owner has been silent throughout.

Owner: “So, let me get this straight. You are trying to return something we don’t sell, and instead of admitting you’ve gone to the wrong store, you spun a tale of how you live at my mother’s house in an attempt to get a refund out of my son?”

Customer: *Blushing again* “Oh, umm… Maybe I’ll try next door.”

She sprinted to the door, while the remaining line of customers who stood witness imitated her laugh.