A Big Mayo No No, Part 13

I used to work at one of the most popular sandwich shop chains in America, and doing that job, you get all kinds of people with all kinds of tastes. Normally, I’m not one to judge the customers who come in — what you wanna put in your belly is your business — but one in particular… stood out.

Me: “Hey, welcome to [Shop]. What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a footlong on white bread, please.”

Me: “You got it.”

I nab the bread from the storage unit behind me and put it on some deli paper, getting ready to grab a protein for the guy.

Me: “Now, what’s going on it?”

Customer: “Oh, mayo.”

I reach over the proteins before what he says catches up with my train of thought.

Me: “Uh, we’ll get to that later. What meat do you want?”

Customer: “No meat, only mayo.”

Me: “…Just mayo? No meat? No vegetables?”

Customer: “No, just mayonnaise, please.”

Me: “…Okay.”

I move the sandwich over to the condiments and put the standard amount of mayo on.

Me: “Is that all, or would you like—”

Customer: “Oh, a lot more than that. Don’t worry. I’ll say, ‘When’.”

I steel my psyche and begin to put more mayo on the sandwich. I make pass after pass, dolloping more and more egg slop on the bread, feeling my stomach flip a little at the crime against the culinary arts I am responsible for. Eventually, he says, “When”, and I can close the sandwich — after confirming that mayo is the only thing he wants.

Me: “Is… that for here or to go, sir?”

I’d never say it out loud, but I want it to be to go. If I have to watch this man eat the Mayowich while I am minding the store, I am gonna hurl.

Customer: “Oh, to go.”

Saying a quick “thank you” to any deities who were listening, I wrapped it up and gave it to him. I rang it up as [popular vegetable sandwich] because, shockingly, “nothin’ but mayo” is not one of the options on my register.

He left and, thankfully, never came back. I like mayo, too, but MAN.

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 12
A Big Mayo No No, Part 11
A Big Mayo No No, Part 10
A Big Mayo No No, Part 9
A Big Mayo No No, Part 8