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Those Thrifty Communists!

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(I overheard this at our thrift store.)

Customer: “Do you have any coffee makers?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I have a few. Are you just looking for a Mr. Coffee type?”

Customer: “I want one that isn’t communist.”

Coworker: *scratches his head* “I’m not sure I follow.”

Customer: “I want a coffee maker that isn’t communist. If it’s made in China, I don’t want it! I refuse to give a communist country my money.”

Coworker: “Um, we’re a secondhand store. Any money you spend here stays here and is donated to [Local Animal Shelter]. I can guarantee it won’t go to China.”

Customer: “If it’s made in China, it’s a communist coffee maker!”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, I don’t think we have any that fit what you want.”

Customer: “Well, then, you won’t get any of my money unless you make your products in the USA!”

(The customer leaves.)

Coworker: “But… we’re a thrift store…”

Of Callers And Communists

, , , , , | Working | March 12, 2020

(I work as a supervisor in a small local bakery. On Fridays and Saturdays, I have two teenagers in the shop to help out and, while they have a lot of promise, they still have a bit of learning to do. This all happens within about ten minutes. The phone rings.)

Me: *busy prepping orders* “[Teenager #1], hon, can you just check the caller ID for me?”

Teenager #1: “It’s the ordering company.”

Me: “Ah, brilliant. Can you just pick up and tell them we don’t need anything until next week?”

([Teenager #1] picks up the phone and, without saying the name of the bakery or even, “hello,” he says…)

Teenager #1: “We don’t need anything until next week.” *hangs up*

Me: “Uh, okay, we’re going to work on your phone manner, hon.”

(Two minutes later, I’m coming into the kitchen from the shop front.)

Teenager #2: “Oh, [My Name], where is Stalin from?”

Me: “He was from Russia.”

Teenager #2: “Oh, yeah. So, [Teenager #1], Stalin was this really famous Nazi…”

Me: “Erm, he was a communist and a Soviet leader.”

Teenager #2: “Are they different?”

(At this moment, I notice a customer in the shop front and go through to serve them.)

Customer: “Can I get the doughnut with the um… ah… millions and billions?”

Me: “Oh, hundreds and thousands!” *what British people call sprinkles*

Customer: “Oh, yeah! Sorry, you must think I’m a right idiot.”

Me: *smiling wanly* “Not at all, sir. In fact, do you want a job?”

Keeping Communists In Check

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(A man hands me a tax check for $3,000 and asks to cash it all. Because of tax season, we are required to put a $25 fee on tax checks, due to the large amount of money we have coming in and out daily.)

Me: “Sir, to cash this I do have to charge you a fee of $25; however, it is free to deposit it, and you can access it from your debit card if you would like.”

Elderly Man: “You know, I didn’t just get on the boat and come up from Cuba. I’ve had my green card since I hit age 16. You d*** commies are always finding ways to take my money. I’m a resident of the USA, and I demand my check be cashed for free.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we charge that fee because we have to express-order money, and we must pay a fee to do that. So, the $25 we charge you goes into making sure we have enough money in the building to cover checks like these.”

Elderly Man: “I ain’t paying no f****** fee! I’ll go to [Popular Retail Location]!”

Me: “Good luck, sir.”

(He comes back an hour later.)

Elderly Man: “Just cash the d*** check and take your fee!”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Elderly Man: “F*****g commie.”

This story is part of our Ignorant-About-Communism roundup!

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Us Communists Gotta Stick Together!

| Learning | April 27, 2017

(I take a drama class when I am in eighth grade. One day we somehow get on the topic of Cuba. The teacher asks us if any of us know where Cuba is.)

Classmate: “Isn’t it somewhere in Russia?”

Teacher: “…”

Me: “Dude, it’s, like, ninety miles south of Florida!”

(How this dude got into eighth grade, I have no clue, especially considering that he was in the same Global Studies class as me.)

Fighting Communism With Correspondence

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Apprehensive_Skill34 | May 14, 2022

I work for a store that operates online mostly. We do have people come in from time to time, but we mostly do online correspondence. This one customer just will not stop sending us emails — for a few days straight — about the item he received being made in China.

Email #1:

Customer: “You cannot imagine how disappointed I was when the [item] I just received was MADE IN CHINA! I’ll never order from you again, because by supporting the CCP (Chinese Communist Party), you are, in effect, allowing/supporting the takeover of America by the communists! NOT ON MY WATCH!”

Email #2:

Customer: “You sell crap made in China. I’LL NEVER BUY FROM YOU AGAIN!”

Email #3:

Customer: “And was I ever disappointed. The [item] was made in CHINA. So, that means that YOU are supporting the CCP! Never again will I buy crap from you. OH, what did I do with the [item]? I put it in my vice, cut it in two, and then melted it down in my forge. You could have at least been honest and stated that the crap was made in China… but OH, NO! You’d rather support the CCP than be honest. NEVER AGAIN WILL I ORDER ANYTHING FROM YOU, AND I’LL LET MY FRIENDS KNOW, AS WELL!”

My boss, the owner finally responded.

Owner: “Hi, [Customer]. Yes, many of our items are made in China, and many of your items, as well! If you have any of the following items, they all have ‘made in China’ parts, as well as being assembled there, too: nails, screws, TV, cable box, phone, computer, wallet, watch, clothes, iPad, tablets, food, car, and many other things.

“You might as well become a nudist and be nomadic if you don’t want to support the CCP at all. Live under a rock, and you might never hear about China ever again. But do your research before being so bluntly rude and disrespectful in an email.

“We don’t need your business, but you could have at the very least kept a professional manner instead of telling us you melted down the [item]. You just wasted your own money.

“Best regards, [Owner].”