We Didn’t Know The Library Had A Back Room

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work in a library. One of our regular patrons, an older woman who comes in frequently to check out movies, comes in with a man I’ve never seen before. They select several DVDs and bring them to the desk to check out.

Me: “Oh, you’ve got four new releases here; the limit on those is three at a time. You’ll need to pick one to put back.”

Woman: “Oops!” *To the man* “Okay, which of these do you want to see more?”

Man: “I don’t want to see any of ’em!”

Woman: “Well, what kind of movies do you like, anyway?”

Man: “Sex movies!” *To me* “What kind of sex movies you got around here?”

Me: *Speechless*

O, Canaduh, Part 11

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a car rental agency, and I am going about my regular workday. We have a short script-like thing we have to go through, including asking if the customer is taking the vehicle across the border into Canada. Some days are harder than others.

Me: “Are you taking the vehicle up to Canada at all?” 

Customer: “No, no, no Canada. Just Vancouver for a day.” 

Me: “Vancouver, Canada?” 

Customer: “Yes, just for a day.” 

Me: “Okay, so you are taking the vehicle to Canada.” 

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “Right, I’m going to get you the paperwork you need for Canada.” 

O, Canaduh, Part 10
O, Canaduh, Part 9
O, Canaduh, Part 8
O, Canaduh, Part 7
O, Canaduh, Part 6

In Soviet Russia, Product Buys You!

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I am an assistant manager at a large national drugstore chain. One afternoon, I’m called to the register to help a customer. The clerk flashes me one of those “kill me now” looks as I approach.

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for Wintergreen Altoids gum, but your clerk said you don’t have any. Can you order some for me?”

Me: “Hmm, let me take a look.”

I don’t recall ever seeing that flavor, but I go digging around in our inventory database anyway. Sure enough, there’s no record of it.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it doesn’t look like we carry that flavor.”

Customer: “I know I’ve bought it here before!”

Me: “Huh. It doesn’t look like something that’s been discontinued. I’m just not seeing it here at all.”

Customer: *Indignant* “Can’t you just call them and get some?”

Me: “Well, no, unfortunately. Since all of our purchasing goes through a central facility, we don’t deal with the manufacturers directly. If our distribution center doesn’t carry a product, I have no way to order it.”

Customer: “Well!” *Huffs* “I didn’t realize I was living in Soviet Russia!”

Without another word, the customer turned on her heel and stomped out the front door. My clerk and I were speechless.

They Want Virtual Reality But They Don’t Live In Actual Reality

, , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a museum. We recently installed a virtual reality exhibit guests can pay extra to try. Two guests walk in.

Me: “Hello! Let me know if you guys have questions or want to buy tickets.”

They do not acknowledge me and keep walking toward the arcade setup.

Coworker: “Hello! Let me know if you guys have questions.”

They do not acknowledge him, either, walk straight into an arcade bay, and start fiddling with the equipment. 

Coworker: “Hey, did you all want to buy tickets?”

Guest: “You have to buy tickets? I wish we’d known that!”

Sadly, The Pharmacy Can’t Cure Impatience

, , | Right | July 2, 2020

I work in the fitting room where I answer incoming phone calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling the Olympia [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to be transferred to the pharmacy.”

Me: “Let me transfer you to the pharmacy.”

About a minute later, the phone rings back.

Me: “Has the pharmacy not picked up yet?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long. I want to talk to the pharmacy.”

They were only on hold for less than a minute.

Me: “I’m really sorry, but it looks like they are busy with customers right now. Can I try transferring you again?”

Customer: “This is getting ridiculous! I have to pee.”

I can hear a woman’s voice in the background.

Female Voice: “Can we do this when we get home?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to transfer me; I want to talk to someone in the pharmacy!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but in order to talk to someone in pharmacy, you have to call the store’s number, talk to the operator, and then I transfer you over to their department.”

Customer: “I just want a number! What is their number?”

I am fed up with this customer’s attitude so I decide to be funny.

Me: “The number for pharmacy is 3299.”

Customer: “Where’re the other numbers?! That’s not a number!”

Me: “You asked for a number, and I already told you that you had to call the store and then talk to me so I could transfer you over to their department. Those numbers I just gave you are the numbers to transfer you over to the pharmacy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I don’t want you to transfer me! I want to talk to someone now.”

After the phone rings back the second time, I realize something is going on with the line, so I have a coworker go over to the pharmacy to let them know I will be putting the phone call on hold.

Me: “Sir, I’m going to put you on hold since it looks like the line isn’t working.”

Customer: *Angry* “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long!”

This has only been going on for about two minutes now.

I talked to the pharmacy about five minutes later to find out that, because they had such horrible reception, they couldn’t hear the guest and ended the call.

Patience is the moral of the story. Apparently, this guy had none!