My friend is a pediatric oncologist. In order to protect his patients as best as he possibly can, he has been wearing a mask whenever he goes out, even when it has stopped being recommended and advised.

He, another friend, and I stop by a liquor store one evening. He is the first one to check out, while the other friend and I are still looking around.

He gets to the counter, hands over his ID, and briefly lowers his mask so that the cashier can confirm it is his. All good, he pays for his stuff and steps to the side to wait for us.

This is when, suddenly, a RANDOM CUSTOMER appears.

Random Customer: *To the cashier* “You’re kidding. It’s obvious his ID is fake.”

Cashier: “Your total is $29.45. Cash or card?”

Random Customer: “Nobody’s wearing a mask anymore. Don’t you think it’s suspicious he just happens to wear one to the liquor store?”

Cashier: *Clearly not having it* “Cash or card?”

Random Customer: “You don’t think it’s suspicious that he doesn’t want you to see his face?”

Cashier: “Sir, I need to check the people behind you out. Cash or card?

Random Customer: “You’re not going to do anything about him?”

Cashier: “Sir, he showed me his face. It looks like his ID. Please finish your purchase so I can check other people out.”

The random customer acts all huffy and begins to get his card out. Suddenly, a manager steps over from the side.

Manager: “Sir, may I see your ID?”

Random Customer: “What? I’m clearly over thirty.”

Manager: “Store policy is to card anyone who looks under fifty-five. May I see your ID?”

Random Customer: “…”

The manager takes his purchase and puts it behind the counter.

Manager: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to you without a valid ID. We don’t close for another two hours if you’d like to come back with one.”

Random Customer: “…”

Manager: *Motions to the man behind the random customer* “I can take you up here, sir.”

The random customer finally moves and heads to the door, pulls out his phone, and DIALS 911!

Now, my other friend and I are totally invested in this, so we take our time browsing the aisles and “discussing” bottles we’re totally not interested in.

In enters Mr. Policeman!

Mr. Policeman heads over to get the story from both the random customer and the manager. After a moment, he approaches my friend and asks for his ID. He provides it and briefly lowers his mask so that Mr. Policeman can confirm his identity. Mr. Policeman also looks like he’s so over it.

Manager: “We’d prefer if he—” *points to the random customer* “—didn’t return to this location.”

Random Customer: *Flips out* “F*** you. F*** all of you. F*** all of your f****** mothers!”

Mr. Policeman ended up escorting him out. Business as normal resumed in the store. We all bought our booze and the three of us headed outside, where the random customer was arguing over a citation from Mr. Policeman for driving without a valid license.

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 50
No ID, No Idea, Part 49
No ID, No Idea, Part 48
No ID, No Idea, Part 47
No ID, No Idea, Part 46

I work in a hotel. This guy walks in on a Thursday.

Guy: “Hi, I’m [Guy]. I am building a house that isn’t going to be finished for a year. I need your best room and lowest rate because I’m building a house.”

Me: “That’s great! I’ll forward you to our sales director; she can assist you.”

A few days later, he returns.

Guy: “Hi, remember me? I’m building a house.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I remember you. How can I help you?”

Guy: “Well, I am checking for a year. I talked to your sales director, and she said it is okay to pay daily.”

Red flag number one!

I listen to him tell me how great he is and how great this house is — I don’t know if I mentioned it, but he is building a house — and I get him checked in. All the while, I am curious as to how I can check in a thirty-day stay (that’s how we do long-term check-ins) with only one night’s payment. I do it and don’t say anything.

All the while my new trainee, a young kid, is falling right into this man’s bulls*** trap of stories and lies, and now the two are fast friends and talking at the desk, which is super annoying.

The next day, Friday, is super busy — seventy-five check-ins with a trainee. Halfway through my night, the phone rings, and it is [Guy].

Guy: “Hello, I was just on the phone with your corporate office and they issued me 60,000 [Reward Program] credits. I need you to apply those to tonight’s payment.”

Me: *Politely* “That isn’t possible, sir. You can call and make a reservation starting tomorrow using the credits to pay for that reservation.”

Guy: *Very angry* “I can’t do that! I need them to apply to tonight because my bank, [Nationally-Known Bank], is currently having a network glitch where all cards are coming back declined!”

I laugh out loud on the phone. I know that he has no money and that he is going to be one of those guests who can’t admit it.

Me: “I’m not sure what I can do. I guess you’ll have to wait until [Bank] fixes the… glitch… because I can’t issue you a new key until today is paid for.”

Guy: “That’s okay. I have keys.”

Me: “Yes, but they don’t work. I had to lock you out because we still have to receive money for tonight before I can let you back in.”

Guy: “This is crazy. I am building a house!”

The next morning arrives, and he hasn’t come back to the hotel. He finally comes in complaining that he had to sleep in his car because of the “glitch” at DBSL and that we wouldn’t give him a key. He pays for the previous night and tonight, securing him until tomorrow (Sunday) at noon.

So, here we are on Monday morning. I eagerly relay all of this information to [Sales Director], who is mad that [Guy] lied. She never agreed to daily payment, and he never signed his contract. Normally, for long-term guests, we collect a week’s pay minimum in order to honor special rates. [Sales Director] is going on and on about how [Guy] lied during the initial conversation, how she is going to not honor his rate now because he did not sign the contract in a timely manner, and how he isn’t going to be allowed to pay daily. She then turns back around with excitement on her face and says:

Sales Director: “Did you know he is building a house?”

Me: “I had no idea!” *Laughs* “I did know because he’s interjected it into every conversation 100 times.”

She then proceeds to contact [Guy] in his room and let him know that because he did not sign the contract and he is having payment issues, we will no longer be able to honor the rate they verbally agreed upon. He gets very upset.

Guy: “I am just going to have to find another place to stay.”

End of the whole problem. RIGHT?

Not right.

A few hours later, the phone rang, and it was our corporate guest help line. They had [Guy] on the phone, and he wanted a complete refund for all his reservations for the last week because he was unsatisfied. He had a laundry list full of complaints. There were children running around unattended, his bed was not made properly, the bathroom was dirty, we wouldn’t honor the agreed-upon rate, the staff was rude, etc. (You can insert more ridiculous complaints on your own because he probably tried them.)

I calmly addressed the guest help operator and let her know the entire scenario and the most important part: that he was building a house. She said the story she had been given was grossly different, all except for the fact that he was building a house. She mentioned that he was particularly upset about the rate withdrawal.

The bottom line is that he didn’t sign the contract nor did he pay in a timely manner. That gave our property all the right to nullify the offer. I couldn’t deal with hearing, “I am building a house,” for an entire year. I really don’t even think it was true. I think that’s the scam he probably runs from property to property. He also probably gets away with it.

I am just really happy we dodged the house-building bullet. Ugh. Sometimes I wonder why I do this job!

I am returning from a weekend in Vermont with a friend. We’ve been on the road for a few hours and have at least another hour to go. We stop for snacks, gas, and a rest break at an exceptionally popular and busy rest stop.

After taking care of the mundane, I roll over to gas up. I pull in behind a small car whose driver has just gotten started filling the tank.

[Driver] leaves (presumably to take care of other business) and [Passenger] stays to finish the transaction. The tank full and the bill settled, I wait for [Passenger] to get in and pull away so that I can take my turn at the pump.

Nope.

She starts washing windows. Okay, not unreasonable, but you usually do that while filling, not waiting until you are done, and you don’t do all of them. Then, she starts emptying trash, etc. I think perhaps [Driver] has taken the keys with her and [Passenger] is waiting for her return. Unusual, a trifle inconsiderate, but things happen, and without the keys, what are you gonna do?

Nope.

As this routine continues, I realize that the beads hanging from the mirror are blowing in the AC. This car is actually running! At this point, I start tooting (gently) to get her attention. [Passenger] keeps doing what she’s doing, largely ignoring me.

As I become more vehement in my protest, she starts looking pointedly at me as if I have some kind of issue — which, truthfully, I have started to develop. Eventually, [Driver] shows up, and [Passenger] puts the car in gear and rather truculently — if her expression is any gauge — pulls away.

At this point, both of them are glaring at me, as if I am some kind of demented fiend who just pulled in, insisting that everyone get out of my way now, rather than a guy sitting and waiting my turn to pump my gas.

I could have gone to another line, but all twenty pumps were full — it was an interstate on a Sunday afternoon — and I would have had to try to back out, circle around, try to find another pump, etc.

Really, ladies, it’s a f****** gas pump, not a car wash or parking spot. Fill it and be on your way; there’s plenty of space to pull over and clean out your car elsewhere.

I am unloading a truck at [Pet Store] when a woman hits the buzzer at the front door. I walk up to the front to open the door — a two-minute trek — and she keeps hitting the buzzer while making eye contact.

Me: “Hi there. Here for grooming?”

Customer: “Obviously.” *Gestures to her dog* “You know, these doors are supposed to be unlocked after 7:00 am. I’m now late because of you.”

I did unlock the door at 7:00 am, but I can only guess someone else locked it again since we don’t open for anything but grooming until the store opens for other sales at 9:00 am.

Me: “I apologize for the confusion. I will find out who locked it and—”

Customer: “Who even are you? I know the store manager, and I will have you fired.”

She mentions the old manager by name.

Me: “I’m the new store manager, ma’am. [Old Manager] has moved to a new store.”

Customer: “Why are you still talking?”

I silently gesture toward grooming and smile. The customer stalks off, and I go back to the stock room to continue. A moment later, the door bangs open and the customer is walking toward me, her phone pointed at me.

Customer: “I will be sending this to corporate. I want them to know why you thought it was appropriate to have the door locked.”

I put on my best customer service smile and voice.

Me: “Hello, ma’am. This area is employee-only, so I’m going to have to ask you to head back out those doors and we can speak out there.”

Customer: “No, you can answer me right here and right now. Why were the doors locked?”

Me: “This area is employee-only, so I’m going to have to ask you to head back out those doors and we can speak out there.”

Customer: “I am not leaving until—”

I repeat myself with a fixed smile and a happy customer service tone.

Customer: “What are you doing? I—”

I repeat myself with a fixed smile and a happy customer service tone.

Customer: “You’re f****** r*****ed. You know that? I have half a mind to pull my dog from grooming and never return.”

She left and I returned to my stocking duties once again. I never heard from corporate.

I’m on the phone with a client.

Me: “Are you busy right now?”

Client: “Sort of. I’m just checking the traffic in and out of our business.”

Me: “Oh, good. We’ve been having a good couple of weeks, haven’t we? What kind of figures are you seeing?”

Client: “No one so far.”

Me: “That’s impossible. I checked Google Analytics the other day.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m just using Street View.”

Me: “Street View?”

Client: “On Google Maps. Just checking to see who’s coming and going.”

Me: “That’s an image, not a live video.”

Client: “Phew!”