Love Hard, Love Fast (Food)

(It is the night before Valentine’s Day. My husband and I are driving through a store’s parking lot. My husband will often talk about me as though someone else is there and I’m not in the room.)

Me: *looking out the window* “Ha, look at this guy walking out of the store.”

Husband: “What? Which guy?”

Me: “The one with the big-a** bouquet of flowers and the shopping bag stuffed to the breaking point with pink. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, buddy.”

Husband: “Yeah.”

(He pauses for a moment.)

Husband: “My wife’s hotter than his girlfriend.”

Me: “How do you know? She wasn’t with the guy.”

Husband: “My wife wanted Arby’s for Valentine’s Day!”