Macbook Air-Head

(I work at my former middle/high school in the tech department as a summer intern, prepping for my departure for college. My school provides 7th-12th graders with Macbook Airs to use as they please, so long as they follow the T&C and whatnot. This is during one of the distribution sessions. A kid is rifling through the laptops looking for ‘his,’ which he is not supposed to be.)

Me: *slightly sternly* “Can I help you?”

Student: “Yes, I’m looking for my laptop.”

Me: “All right, I’ll get it for you; what’s your last name?”

Student: “[Last Name].”

Me: *knowing we have about ten people with that last name in this session*

“First name too, please?”

Student: “Derek.”

Me: “Oh, really? You’re Derek, are you?”

Student: “Yes. Give me my laptop.”

Me: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to give me your real name, kid. You’re not Derek.”

Student: “Yes, I am! You don’t know who I f****** am! You can’t just tell me what my name isn’t!”

Me: “Yes, actually, I can, because Derek is my best friend’s little brother. Now. What’s your name.”

Student: “I… uh…” *exits quickly; clearly was some kid trying to finagle his way into getting a free laptop, hoping none of the techs would notice*