Regarding Irregardless

(I have to be absent one day in class to fulfill the requirements of another class, and have known it for three weeks in advance. I have informed my professor every week to remind her I need the assignment. Finally, it’s the week I need to miss.)

Me: “Professor? I’d like to remind you I need the assignment this Friday. I’ve been asking for it all semester. Can I have it now?”

Professor: *cranky* “I know you said you’d be gone, but this assignment is too hard to explain. You can just make up the work on Monday.”

Me: “But I TOLD you I would be gone, and that I wanted to get my work done. Why can’t you explain the assignment?”

Professor: “Because it’s too hard for you to understand! Now go, and don’t talk to me until Monday!”

(This makes me cranky, but I leave. When I come back on Monday, the class is doing presentations. The assignment is basically a collage that is representative of ourselves, plus a haiku (5-7-5 syllable poem) to explain the collage. Needless to say, I’m furious.)

Professor: “Well, now you know what the assignment was, so you can do it!”

Me: “You couldn’t explain that I needed to make a collage and a haiku? A SECOND GRADER could do that. I can’t believe you couldn’t explain it!”

Professor: *sternly* “Now, an assignment like that is EXTREMELY complicated. Irregardless of your faith in your ability to do it, I know it would have been hard for you.”

Me: “No. It. Wouldn’t. Have. I’m not doing this assignment. I asked for this assignment all semester, and YOU didn’t give it to me. You are NOT going to grade me negatively for it, or I’m talking to the dean.”

Professor: “You can’t talk like that, and you WILL do the assignment.”

Me: “No. I’m talking to the dean. And by the way, ‘Irregardless’ is NOT a word, so drop the whole ‘I’m not smart enough’ attitude.”

(Sure enough, the dean agreed with me, and tore my professor a new one! Not only did I not have to do the assignment, the professor was forced to apologize, and she avoided treating me like I was stupid the rest of the semester!)