Death By Salad

(I have invited a friend over to spend my 21st birthday with me. I know some of her allergies, but give her a call to check if she has any others so I don’t accidentally kill her.)

Me: “So, I know you’re allergic to shellfish, mushrooms, and tomatoes, but is there anything else I have to worry about?”

Friend: “Good memory! I’m actually also allergic to pine nuts.”

Me: “Oh, s***! I’m glad I called! My Nana’s making mini pizzas, and we were going to use pesto sauce so you wouldn’t be exposed to tomato.”

Friend: “Yeah, it’s actually better to use tomato sauce. My reaction to that is pretty mild; I might just get a bit itchy. But pine nuts could totally kill me. I found out when I ate a salad with them in it, and my throat started to close up. [Relative] sprayed her inhaler into a plastic bag, and when I could catch a breath, I breathed out of that while they rushed me to the hospital. Probably the only reason I didn’t die.”

Me: “F***! SO glad I called!”

(We ended up using mango salsa. She survived.)